Betty: Why were you so angry as to lose it with L? What judgment did you put on him?
AM: I felt him pushing and controlling things to do things his way. And he wouldn’t listen. I was already frustrated that I had to have him home from school. I felt like I had so much on my plate.
Betty: That’s an invitation God is giving you to see everything as his will and to turn to him. It’s like, “Okay Lord. L is home from school today. Lord, teach me.” Instead, a part of you started judging and was building up the anger no doubt.
AM: I get upset when my kids get sick and have to miss school. Also, I was…
Betty: So, your will was being frustrated all day long. You’ve got a very strong will. It’s going to be hard, but ask the Lord for the grace. The Lord’s gonna have to do it within you, because it seems to be getting angrier and angrier. And this whole business of checking in with the Lord and seeing what he wants to have done, the willful part of you doesn’t even want to do it.
You have to make it clear to that person who wanted to get together with you that the best way for you is actually you need the time alone.
AM: And I hate that I do. I hate that I have a personality that…
Betty: But see now you’re going into negative judgment on yourself. And that just makes you more angry. Are you sure you want to do that?
Betty: I want you to get to the point where you’re as aware that you’re doing it as I am when I sit here and listen to you. I must have cried out for years to the Lord asking for the grace to be aware. But I think that’s what began to make a difference. I’m much more peaceful. I used to be frustrated like you. But I had to stop the judgment part.
You’ve got to get it at its origin, because once it gets roaring, it’s hard to stop it. But it’s like, “Okay, with Jesus help, Lord, help me to be aware when I start playing as though I’m God. I don’t have any rights to do that. Help me nip it in the bud with your grace.” They say Francis de Sales had an awful, awful temper. He must have really been bad, because everybody talks about his anger whenever you read anything on him. But with God’s help, he turned into a mild person. That’s a lot of help from God. But it can be done. That’s what I’m saying to you. And I think the fact that it came out on poor little L in one way is good, because L knows you love him, even though you were really hard to get along with that day.
AM: We made up quickly and made it into a special day. We worked on his project. I let the house go and decided to go with it and stop trying to fight it.
Betty: See, the thing you saw in L that made you so angry is the thing you’re angry about in yourself, namely your strong will that wants to do what it wants to do and to heck with anybody else. And it’s like no, no, no. That’s not the part of me that I want to accept. That’s the part I want to bring to Jesus. It’s not my identity. Some people say, ”That’s who I am. You’ve got to learn to live with it.” No. Go into tongues, and and cry out to the Lord. Put this in prayer. I think we talked about it enough.
Is your will being frustrated in any area? Pray, “Lord, help me to be aware when I start playing as though I’m God. I don’t have any rights to do that. Help me nip it in the bud with your grace.”: