AM: I am frustrated that I found myself complaining, after I just wrote about surrender.
Betty: Well, what if you even give that up and say, “Even that’s in God’s will.” If it’s truly good for you, it’s gonna happen when it really is in God’s will for it to happen. See, you even have to get detached from your own desires, and let what God knows is best happen. It’s God’s problem. We need a total conversion from seeking me first, me second, and me third, or what I call the unholy Trinity. We now have to be converted over to seeking the glory of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. It’s not always what is the most comfortable in the moment. So, we have to give that natural drive up to the Lord, and ask for His help to escape it. It really is like an escape, because we are almost enslaved in serving our own pleasure, aren’t we? I feel I am. But, it’s like it’s really the Lord’s problem. I can’t even let that go into beating myself up, because God knows what He’s doing. I’m just trusting Him with the whole mess.
Jesus said to Luisa Picarretta, “Humiliation must not only be accepted, but also loved; so much so, as to chew it like food. And just as when a food is bitter, the more one chews it, the more he feels the bitterness. In the same way, humiliation, when it is well chewed, gives rise to mortification. And these—that is, humiliation and mortification—are the two most powerful means in order to get out of certain hitches and obtain those graces which are needed.”
In other words, let’s say you chew something that’s bitter. Most of us would just spit it out immediately. But now imagine yourself not spitting it out, but chewing it to get all the flavor out of it. Now everything in me rebels against that, because there’s a part of me saying, “No, spit it out.” But, I realize that that is my natural man who wants me to seek pleasure every moment. Jesus is saying, “Betty, when something causes you bitterness, in humility, I want you to see how you acted like a total heathen.” Jesus wants us to think about it, and then burp it up like the old cow burps up its food. Then think about it again, and stand before Jesus, and feel the humiliation of that part of you. But you’re not allowed to start thinking or saying things and going into self-pity to make yourself feel better. You’re not allowed to blame or shame. You just keep looking at the total heathen you were. And as you feel the pain, you let it go to the cross.
We have places inside ourselves that, regardless of how often we make a resolution not to do them, we’re back doing them again. Jesus is saying, “Humility and mortifications are the two most powerful means in order to get out of stuck places and obtain those graces which are needed.”