I can’t remember the situation as I wrote this awhile ago, but clearly I was in a rebellious place. Below in red are my Aunt Betty’s words during our spiritual direction session:
Pray that your heart will truly open to the Lord when you take command over that spirit of mockery. Cry out of the depths and don’t just give it lip service. It doesn’t seem to want to leave easily. It must have been getting a lot of payback. Did it come out at the games a lot? That spirit finds a home there. If that spirit is flowing through you at the same time when you are at sports, you’re probably giving a lot of scandal. You really need to cry out of the depths. Oh Lord, let my cry come unto you. You need to get rid of that whole thing with that spirit.
The mocking spirit is playing a strong part in your focus. Stop and think about what I just said. What part of you opens the door? I need to talk to the adult part of you. Your adult part I think readily sees, “Oh my gosh this is key.” The focus in you is turned toward all of this crap and you chew it. You got to really take seriously the part in you that opens the door and invites Satan in, because that is a key part of your depression. This whole ridicule, unbelieving spirit has been keeping you in prison. And there’s a part of you that’s been sick enough to keep cooperating with it. You go back to it time and time again and chew on the crap. It’s like somebody reaches out and gives you a bunch of somebody’s crap and says, “Chew on this while you wait.” And you’re chewing it. Ask yourself, “What is it in me that makes it ok to chew on crap?” Because you’ve been chewing away. Yet, there’s this intelligent part of you that I expect to stand up and say, “Hey, I don’t want to chew on crap!” But you’re doing it.
Sometimes families chew on crap and engage in a ridiculing, mocking spirit. It’s part of the family fun when they get together. That’s not family fun. That’s worshiping the evil one. If families really knew what they were doing, I think they’d turn back in horror. But instead they think It’s okay to chew on crap when they’re together. First, you have to get deeply committed that such behavior is not okay. You’re not going to justify it. Ask the Lord to help you get sensitized when you start going into the crap you tell yourself to wake you up, and hear what you’re saying to yourself. It’s not ok when you open the door, and start telling yourself some of this negative stuff that you say about yourself or others. You have to develop a sensitivity, so when you’re in that place you recognize it and say, “Lord, I don’t want to go there.” Cry out for help. Say, “Lord, help me let go of these doors thru which I welcome evil in my midst. Help me get more and more sensitive when it comes up, so I can renounce it and make the choice for God’s way.” That way you can ask the Lord to help you to be sensitive, so you can make the choice. Then the Lord Himself can be glorified in what Satan wants to use for his glory. We’re asking that God gets to use it for His glory. I got the words from Scripture where it says, “To snatch it out of the mouth of Satan.” This is the case where the Lord wants to snatch it out of the mouth of Satan, so He gets the glory. Where you’ve gotten into a bad habit of giving Satan the glory through the mockery, the Lord is saying you’re going to come back to Him with your whole heart so that He, not Satan, gets the glory. Ask the Lord to awaken anyone in the family to actually hear what they are doing if they go into mockery. I feel if they actually heard it, they wouldn’t want to be a part of it. But it’s coming up out of the unconscious, and they are into it without realizing, “Hey, this is not something we want to do.”