I was sharing with my aunt about my difficulty being with people who like to chit chat at length about topics that I find boring. Below in red are her words to me. My response is in blue.

Ask the Lord to teach you about that side of you that you allow to control you to avoid boredom. Go into tongues. You judge others as being boring. What can you do to close those doors?

AM: Stop judging.  

Betty: Oh, ok. So, you’re admitting that you’re opening the door to this takeover that Satan uses. You’re admitting that you are part of the problem. Hold that up to the Lord. There’s a part of you addicted to judging others as bores. Where do you think you have gotten the right to hold that judgment over other people’s lives?

AM: Probably my Perfectionist

Betty: Yeah. Sounds like something she might delight herself in doing, having that power to sit in judgment on others as bores. It’s kind of an arrogant elitism, isn’t it? Turn to the Lord, and ask Him to help you have a miracle of the realization, “Good gravy. Am I the very arrogance of an elite kind of person that I don’t personally like being around? But is it in me, Lord?” Think about the Pharisee in the synagogue thanking God that he is not like the rest of the sinners. See yourself in that role. Now be there with that part, and see Jesus who is silently standing there looking at you.

You’ve got to make some choices. Who are you going to give permission to live and guide you in life? The pleasure seeker? The judger? The elitist that’s above the rest of men? These are parts of your Perfectionist. These are the parts that keep the door closed at being at one with God’s will. They are the ones telling you that if you yield, you’ll never have another joyous moment. What is it in you that keeps grabbing for that door to be open to your own will?

AM: I want to die to my will, but I don’t like going thru the pain of having that happen.

Betty: So, you still want to choose Jesus without pain? In other words, give you the glorious, risen Jesus and keep the suffering Jesus for somebody else. Talk to Him about that.

AM: Sometimes I’m rebellious against carrying the cross.

Betty: Can you follow Jesus and not carry the cross?  

AM: No.

Betty: No, really, look at that question. But that’s what you’ve been trying to do, right? How’s it working for you?

AM: It’s not working.

Betty: Listen to what the Spirit of God wants to pray for you. Sing the song, “It’s me, it’s me Oh, Lord, standing in the need of prayer…” Think about this, because the Lord is giving you a great grace. And there’s a part of you trying to shove it off. No, you got to feel the pain of your selfishness. Really feel it. Don’t run from it. You need to hand it over. You want it to be revealed, all the ways that it has justified itself to hang in there. Open those doors. Run around inside of yourself and open all the doors and make a true decision to stop playing games. Say, “Lord, I want to stop playing games. I want to take You seriously and embrace the suffering Christ, not just the resurrected one. Help me to stop playing that game. In your name Jesus, I renounce any lies of Satan. I renounce any part of me that wants to sabotage and hold the doors open to those lies in case I don’t like something, or if I find it totally boring, I can back out. I want to do what you’re calling me to today.” You really need to cooperate with God, so He can grow stronger in you. And then you learn to be obedient. He’s trying to move you to get you ready to go into the obedient heart.