Below is the continuation from the spiritual direction session I had with my Aunt Betty last year. The first part of the session I wrote in my excerpt entitled “Getting Untangled.” Below in red is the rest of conversation:
Your friend sat back in judgment immaturely. Give that to the Lord. There are people who do that, because that’s where they are, Say, “Lord, lead me to be able to stand in truth, but with the dignity you want from me.”
There is something we need to learn that’s a balance on how to protect ourselves. The Lord needs to teach us that. People will judge, because they have a need to do it. We are imperfect by our nature.
“Lord, give us a heart of mercy. Take from us any arrogance that gave us the permission to judge. Set us free to broadcast the love you came to bring to the world. Help form us to be who you intended us to be.”
The more we give our wills over to God, the more that people will meet a person of love and acceptance when they meet us. Whereas, when we are in the perfectionist, then when we meet people, it’s not as clean and accepting. The Perfectionist tells others what they’re doing wrong. We haven’t experienced total love in our own lives, so we don’t know how to give it to others. The more our will is united with God’s, the more loving we are.
The pride in you is having a terrible time letting go of the humiliation from X. Hand that over to Jesus. “Lord, I’m going to need your help to be able to forgive X, and let go of this hurt. I seem to have a need to cling to it.” The lie is that I need to hold onto it, so X can’t hurt me again. Yet, I know you are my protection. It’s not these walls that I build up to protect my pride and way of viewing myself that are important. “Lord, what is there of good in me, but that which You have given me. I want you to protect that. The rest help me be willing to let go of, as long as I can enter into your truth. What is important is what You think of me, not what others think of me. Lord, we need your help to grow up.” There’s a part of you that wants to pout. But it’s time for you to grow up. There’s a lot more things that are important in life than your feelings. Life is not all about feelings.
Jesus said, “I have come to do His will, and what would I, but that it be accomplished.” Notice the difference between you and Jesus. What’s really important to Jesus is that He accomplish the will of His Father. You need to work with your perfectionist, because this was not what she was expecting.
Go into cleansing tongues even harder and stamp your feet, because that’s the problem. You haven’t forgiven yourself. It has nothing to do with God. He’s willing to forgive you, but first you have to forgive yourself. You need to be healed and not just pull away from X. You need to learn, so the door isn’t still open for you to get caught by another person. You have to learn the wisdom of what’s going on here. As you claim your strength, X can claim her strength. As you get healed, X will get freer. As we get cleaned up, it makes it easier for others to see their stuff. Learn that the only one who unconditionally accepts and loves who we are is God.