I continue to get lessons on how to let my perfectionist die, so my true self can come forth. Below in red our my Aunt Betty’s words to me during one of our spiritual direction sessions:
There’s a true self in us that shows God’s goodness, love and truth, so we have to try to bring it out. We need to die to the perfectionistic self, and let God do it. You need to go deeper in the Lord, so He does it in you. We have to be willing to be a seed that falls in the ground, and let the self die to bring forth the mighty loaf. It takes forest fires to open the sycamore trees. Those are the mighty trees.
The more God wants to use someone, the more difficulties the person goes through. The fire purifies us. God has to ordain fire, and people have to not put the fires out. God’s creation can teach us how God works in our lives. Everything that’s happened in your life is no accident. You have to learn what you can do with your weaknesses. The wisdom is for you to work within what God’s given you. Find what works and be obedient to it.
If we become the person we are called to be, it’s because God did it in us. Let God take the glory for what He was able to do through you. My funeral song is going to be, “When all is said and done.” What I want is for God to do what He wanted in me.
X is trying to be good, so she has judgment locked in her unconscious. The Pharisees wanted to be good, but they were trying to do it themselves. They were the blind leading the blind, so they, and those they led, both fell in the pit. They were so unaware. If only they had cried out to the Lord for help. We can’t save ourselves. The thing that locks people in is false saving. Train yourself to cry out.
Train yourself in this life. Your perfectionistic part is so unmerciful to the part of you that’s on the way. She wants you to be done. It’s that impatience toward yourself that can be unforgiving. In that moment when we die, we need to throw ourselves on the mercy of God. Train yourself not to get even with yourself. If you get in the habit of getting even, when you stand before God, you are libel to demand justice and not mercy.
Pray for the grace to be forgiving to yourself as well as others. Remember the servant who beat up the other servant in the parable. It’s the power one has when they don’t forgive. It’s a hardness of heart refusing to forgive the generations. Break the bad habit of the unforgiving heart. “Lord, give us ready forgiveness when we are hurt. Help us make it a habit to immediately forgive. Break the habit of hanging onto little hurts, especially the deceit that there’s power in unforgiveness. Help us let go of putting anyone down to make ourselves feel better. Get rid of the lie that resentment is good. We ask that you’ll give healing to anyone in our generations that’s open to truth. We renounce all the lies Satan has passed down through the generations. We ask that Satan receive no glory from us or our ancestors. We pray for forgiveness for the bad example we’ve been giving by being unforgiving.”