Last year, I interpreted an important person in my life who was cold to me as being uncaring. Below are Betty’s words to me in red:
Perhaps she built a wall around herself because she was trying to avoid hurt. The disrespect starts when we play God. You say, “She doesn’t care how I feel.” Back off. You’re not God. There are different realities here. It is not for you to judge. You’re sitting on the throne of God seeing the world from your side. You should not be judging at all.
You can say as far as I’m concerned, she has slammed a door closed. She is totally disregarding me. But you don’t know what’s going on with her. Yes, she’s made mistakes, but so have we. Jesus had a mission and others couldn’t manipulate him, so he became a threat. Our lives imitate the lives of Christ, except we aren’t an innocent victim as He was.
Write out your feelings as a means of cleansing. You have to get untangled. You have to let go of your need to judge her, and let the Lord handle her. You don’t want to get tangled in her stuff. The best way to do that is work with your part of it. Give unknowns over to God. That’s His problem, not yours. The problem is when people are so attached, they can find it important to judge the other. They can’t let go of that need to judge the other. That causes them a lot of unnecessary suffering, because they have to let go, and give that other person over to the Lord. Their need to judge, in itself, is a sign that something’s wrong with them.
Why do you need to judge her? Why can’t you just say, “Ok, Lord, I give that to you, recognizing that you aren’t God.” We only see a small part of reality. So, how arrogant can you be to feel like you have a right to judge another person. That’s the hook. If you look at the whole thing, what is disrespect? It is playing God. We’re treating others as though they are of less importance, while we are the significant ones. Come on. Get into reality here. The need to judge another and feel superior is a bondage.
The Perfectionist is what got hooked into her. Your two perfectionists are fighting over who is more perfect. Her perfectionist gets hooked into your perfectionist feeling superior to you. That’s the open door. You need to pull your foot out of her door, and she needs to pull her foot out of your door.
Go downstairs and work with the inner child and give over the part of you that wants others to see her as perfect. Give up that fable, that you’re the perfect one. You have to back off. You don’t need to be caught there. Both of you are in a lie. If I were at your stage, I would turn to the Lord and say, “Lord, a lot of what I see in her is too close to what I suspect is going on in me. Lord, help me back off and live in the reality of my own imperfection, and not have a need to blast her and make her know how imperfect she is. It’s like back off. Who cares? That’s Jesus’ job. Get out of here. You don’t need to make sure that job gets done.
Ask the Lord to heal the perfectionist and help you be reintegrated into your adult, so she doesn’t keep interfering with her need to do her own thing. The imperfect parts of ourselves unconsciously are trying to get their needs fulfilled. The closer we get to Jesus, the more we seek His glory and forget about ourselves, and then that part of us actually gets healed.
Stop here and look at Jesus and say, “Lord, in your great mercy, please heal my hurting heart.” Let the Lord place His healing energy over your heart and let His love fill that whole area. Hand over your disappointments to Him. How big is the pain? Give him that mountain of disappointment of what you were unconsciously expecting from X compared to how you were treated when you interacted with X. Hand it over to Him. Can you feel yourself letting go of what you were demanding and expecting from X?
Can you say, “Lord Jesus, you are my savior and my healer. I can find within myself a distraction that causes me to say yes, but I’m going to protect myself from getting hurt again. In a way that part of me, is not willing to trust you and let go. It’s still acting as if I don’t get in there and protect myself, I’m going to get hurt again. Lord, I want to trust You. I don’t want to develop an uncaring, thick, protective layer over my heart similar to what I felt coming from X that day. That which has hurt me, I don’t want to hand over to hurt another. Please work with me to trust You and not build walls as though I’m the only person I can rely on.