It’s very important that we accept whatever God permits to happen, and don’t leave His Will by getting into the “if onlys.” It’s like, “No, whatever happened God permitted it to happen. Decide whether you played a part in it or not, and repent if need be, but accept what happened and stay in the present moment. Look for whatever good God wants to bring out of it, but move on. It’s time to realize that time is too precious to waste it playing Satan’s or your Perfectionist’s ‘If only’ games. The fact is, it’s happened, and now it is on to, “Lord teach me what I can learn from it.” Do you see? It’s one of, “Okay, whether I made a mistake or somebody else made a mistake, God permitted it. And God can turn it to the good.” That’s why “if only” games are not healthy. You’ve got to bring up all these feelings of rage, anger, blame, shame, and all of the stuff that’s still boiling somewhere downstairs if you cannot accept it. Perhaps you concluded that it’s been too painful. That part’s saying, “It should have never happened. No, we gotta say, “Yes, it’s been painful. But it happened.”
Are you stuck in the “if onlys” which is blocking your own healing? Take time to pray and lay those “if onlys” at the foot of the cross and move on.