This is a continuation of my spiritual direction session with my Aunt Betty where she was confronting me on not letting my competitiveness come out in sports in a negative way. I was angry about Rachel losing a CIF playoff game. I was frustrated that one of the key players went on vacation and missed the game. We had to move girls around to fill her spot. There were many fouls on the other team that weren’t called, girls missing open goals, and other annoyances. They were the #1 team going into playoffs and were expected to go far. The beautiful thing that came out of it was that Rachel handled the loss with class. She talked about the loss when she got home, but then moved on. Rachel doesn’t dwell on the past or go into bitterness and blaming. I need to be more like her in that way.
Betty: Your bitterness, depression and arrogant self- righteousness are all hooked together. If you go into arrogant self-righteousness and you become bitter and resentful, then with those kinds of thoughts, you open the door and embrace them, because they fit with that kind of personality.
AM: And then I start getting depressed and it’s just kind of whatever.
Betty: And you’re part of the whatever. So, take this seriously. It’s not a friendly ha ha ha for sports or whatever. Say, “No, I don’t want to play this game anymore.”
AM: It’s just like when I used to go into self-condemnation. I learned that it’s a very bad idea and it comes with a price. We do all this work together and then I open the door to Satan thru self-condemnation. I finally am on to that. I used to just kind of play around with that and carelessly condemn myself. Now I’m playing around with, “Hey, it’s okay if I’m at a game. I can have the negative emotions in my heart, if I don’t vocalize it to others. But, now I see that it’s opening the door to darkness.
Betty: Oh, it sure is. It’s giving Satan glory and you’re encouraging him to come further into your life. Remember, what I got from Scripture, “You cannot take a morsel from Satan, but that you pay a heavy price.” Nothing is free. And I think that helped me. People say, “Well everybody does it,” and all this nonsense. Well, no everybody is not going to do it, because you’re not going to do it anymore. If you get the image of yourself chewing on tobacco. Okay, get the image of the mountaineer sitting on the porch and then they spit. They try to spit it into the pail. Okay, now see yourself in that image. You’re sitting on the porch chewing Satan’s stuff and trying to spit it into the pail. Is that the kind of person you’re aiming to be? “Lord, help her keep that image, so she sees what she looks like in your sight when she’s chewing Satan’s stuff. Help her to be repulsed by the image and decide to give it up. See yourself sitting there trying to hit the pail. Okay, it’s a game. What are you upset about? But that’s what you are doing chewing Satan’s crap.
AM: It’s really helpful because otherwise you don’t see the price you’re paying. But now you made it really clear. I’m opening the door, so the devil can hang out there. I didn’t make the connection. I knew it was bad and I didn’t like it.
Betty: Okay, so really go through and pray for the grace to take it seriously. It’s time for you to give it up. That’s why the Lord is letting it come up. But really see it for what it is, so you renounce it and cooperate with the Lord to break it.
Is there anything you feel God calling you to work on? I find that God works in themes for me from week to week. So, whatever situation or person I’m struggling with is often the area God wants to work on in me.