After working with my Aunt Betty for over 25 years, I decided to do Life Coaching. I wanted to help others the way she helped me. It’s been a blessing for me to help others get out of their stuck places. I asked my Aunt Betty how I could help those who struggle with resentment in their relationships. My questions are in blue and my Aunt Betty’s answers to me are in red below.
AM: What would you say to a client who has resentment towards their spouse?
Betty: First, they have to know that resentment just leaves them more vulnerable to greater hurt. Resentment is the devil’s workshop. So, they’re really choosing Satan if they choose to hold resentment. They’re choosing greater pain and hurt. So, they have to take responsibility. They want to say, “No, it’s my husband whose hurting me. But when you choose the ways of Satan, you are choosing the path of greater hurt. So, you have to look at your own responsibility here. Jesus cannot work with hatred and resentment. If you want freedom, you have to choose the ways of God. So, the person has to really look at, “Okay, now whose side am I on?” Satan’s not going to give them help. So, they can’t keep treating their husband with the ways of Satan, and then come to God and say, I want a healing. They have to decide which side of the fence they’re working on.
AM: If the wife has years of resentment, obviously, it’s not going to get healed overnight. So, what’s the process the wife goes through if she wants to let go of the resentment? How do you get that resentment rooted out and get out of Satan’s camp?
Betty: It’s when the person finally comes to the decision, that they’re sick and tired of hurting themselves. They have had enough of it. They want to try the way of God. The way of God is one of love and forgiveness. The way of Satan is the road of hatred and resentment and getting even. So, they have to seriously think, “Which route do I want to take? Do I want to go this with Satan, where I will suffer even more? Or, have I had enough suffering that I can actually admit that I need God’s help? Can I accept what God is telling me is the way to get out of this?” Only the person can make the decision. A lot of people say, “Why doesn’t God heal me?” Well, have you really chosen to let Him heal you? If you’re going to continue to resent and bad mouth and chew on everything the person who hurt you did, if that is going to be your focus, you’ve already told me what you want.
Take an honest look at your heart, and ask yourself, “Which side of the fence am I on?”