I wrote this last year, when I was going through a lot of problems with my feet. I had slipped back into an old habit of condemning myself for my lack of discernment on what to do and who to believe, as well as my anger at myself for the injury. Here is Betty’s response to my condemning myself:
No matter how much I tell you, when you go into stinking thinking, you should just automatically know you’re either spiritually being tempted, because you’re moving out of truth, or psychologically, the perfectionist is doing a bang-up job. I can’t understand why you can’t pick that up and go away from it. But, instead you keep going into it and then allowing yourself to get beat up. Why do you open the door to Hell when things go wrong?
It makes things worse. I don’t know what it will take to get you to give that up. It’s a very negative place. I’m thinking, “Why does she deliberately want to hurt herself? Common sense says, if you are in pain, condemnation, is no way to get out of pain. That’s going deeper into pain, and you’re doing it to yourself. Why do you choose to attack yourself and beat yourself up? It’s the opposite of truth. Don’t you understand this? Why not go into prayer over your feet instead, and see the Lord’s light and love coming in and healing the areas you feel you just hurt?
(I told her I felt like the prayers weren’t working.) She said, “Oh, so in other words, you go into unbelief and adopt Satan’s tactics, because your prayers are not working. See, the way you handle it? You would do to yourself the things that Satan does to people. You do harmful things to yourself, instead of doing things that are going to help you get healed. It doesn’t make sense. Do you understand what I’m saying? Do something that will help you get better. Image the Lord’s light coming into your feet. Pray for wisdom to find the right person who can give you advice on how to correct the problem with your feet. That’s how you move towards healing, not towards hurting yourself more.
Why at a moment like that would you go into condemning your mind? Who are you going to attract by doing that? You’re going to attract evil spirits, because you’re working in their field. You’re using condemnation. It’s the wrong door. You open the door to darkness when something happens that’s harmful or disappointing or anything in the negative field. You’ve got to learn to move towards the light. Because in a sense, it’s almost like you’re cursing yourself, and cursing is only going to make things worse. You have to stay in the light.
Pain can actually become a deep blessing. Abandon yourself to the Lord claiming, “Lord, I know you’re there. I’m in pain with my feet. Let your healing light go into them.” There’s lots of pain in life. We can’t get away from it. We have to learn how to use it . If you need to, say, “In Jesus name, I refuse to condemn myself.” Stay in truth. Move in a positive way. Do the opposite.
What I think I hear Lord saying is, “You have to forgive yourself.” You need to really let go of the anger that you’re sending to yourself. Image the Lord’s Resurrected healing light going into your feet. See what you’re doing right now is opening to the Lord’s healing presence. That’s what you need to do when things are going wrong.
I think these feet things are a spiritual symbol of something that’s happening within this growth process. God, through suffering, is taking you into a better place. It makes sense that Satan wants to make you try to frustrate that, and you have a bad habit of beating yourself up. Please hear what I’m saying about opening the right doors when things happen so that you can move on in what is happening that is very good for you, the spiritual growth through these things. But Satan, a great thief, would try to help encourage you to move into a place where you’re not as open to grace. So be alert to that, so you don’t get caught.
It is crosses that open the doors to new manifestations, to the greatest gifts. Everyone must endure suffering. We might as well endure the suffering that has the good result rather than rebel and just get the suffering that gives Satan glory. But since when are you going to take lessons from a liar? He’s the Father of lies. I don’t believe him. Do you? Well then, stop listening to him. Put your focus on the Lord and His healing presence.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7)