The below excerpt is from an email I got from my Aunt Betty. I told her that for the last couple weeks or so I have been taking sleeping pills at night and caffeine in the morning. It’s a very bad cycle I know.
The below sounds like one who has been neglecting the hard work of asking the Lord to help guide her to live one’s life in Truth. Since I have been listening to you I am becoming more and more convinced that your ego is in a strong battle with the Lord’s call to you. As He called Luisa to die to her own will by living in His or as St. Paul puts it, “I live no not I but Christ lives within me,” so you have that same inner call. Like Luisa you are going to be miserable and in constant complaint until you let go and take charge of your constant inner dialogue and focus into Him and His Will, but that in practice means you will have to let go of those whirling inner complaints that are in your negative inner dialogue. I can’t do that for you, nor can the Lord. Only you can truly decide to let go of your inner demands and put your focus and desires where they truly belong, namely, “Not my will but Thine be done.” To live in this state requires death to self (Your sweet will) and living for Him. There are no short cuts or magic buttons to push. There is the hard work of prayer which for you means sitting in His presence focusing on Him and when called by Him consciousing the inner negative dialogue that controls you. Then either journal and/or pray in tongues so you can translate it and make some Holy Spirit led decisions that lead to cooperation with grace and let Him save you. Long ago the Church condemned Quietism. With good reason, she still does. God wants our cooperation with Grace!
Please take the above that I have written and run it off your printer. Leave enough copies around the house so whenever the lie comes up that you don’t know why you can’t sleep,etc.etc.you can pick up one of these copies and read what to do and get out of your stuck place. Sooner or later I am going to go to God and I would prefer not seeing you sitting in a stuck place being tortured reiterating Satan’s lie: “I don’t know what to do.” You do. But it does take sacrifice and resolve to do it. No one else can do the hard work of dying to the games we play but us. We need to choose and act and at times it is “hard work”. Can God save us despite us? Yes, but He doesn’t want to reward our constant search for pleasure that refuses hard work and sacrifice. We all can be guilty of that at times.
It’s hard work to live a life of Faith. It’s difficult to get free of a pleasure-loving, deceit-orientated inner dialogue that avoids staying focused into the Eternal Truth coming to us in the present moment. We feel more comfortable worshiping at the altar of the past or the future instead of staying with the true God who only lives the Eternal Now. But get used to it. That is where God is. To live Christianity is to live there by Faith. There is no other way.
Please read and reread the above. I need you to hear and act on it. Your inner dialogues are keeping you from freedom and you need to get off the fence with a determined choice to get free. As Father John Brown said one time, “We can choose to hang on the Cross with Christ who lives in the Eternal Now or we can be crucified with the thieves on either side, the Past or the Future.” We choose…