A year ago, I was lamenting to Aunt Betty about a person who I felt was badmouthing me to one of our mutual friends. I felt angry and betrayed. I started judging her for judging me. Below is Betty’s response to me. The whole situation ended well. I’ll never know what was shared between them, but it didn’t negatively affect either of those friendships. I’ve since tried to be more accepting of my weaknesses, which is helpful, because it gives people who gossip less ammunition against me if I’m not trying to appear perfect.

Look at the above judgments on X and ask the Lord where the hooks are in you that create the need to judge her.  Remember, “no one can get your goat unless you have a goat to get”… You search for your goat and let the Lord deal with the rest of them. I urge you to do the same and put a warm, caring distance between you and Y, if, as you believe, he is truly being swayed by their narrative. But don’t jump into the ring and try to justify yourself.

Call me after you get everybody to bed tonight and let me know if your adult can hear what I am saying. You are being given an early Christmas gift -an opportunity to grow spiritually. I urge you to graciously accept it and return to peace and learning to live in His Will, which always beats the Circus.

I called her and told her I wanted to be more loving. What she got while she was praying with me caught me by surprise. She said, “Forgive all those who have judged you negatively.  In order to be a person of love, you need to first forgive those who you felt were judging you.  We would like to avoid those kinds of people because we feel their judgment.”

I remember years ago asking Fr. Jerry Bevilacqua why I had some traits of people who had hurt me in the past. He said, “It’s because you judged them.” If you were to ask any of my children what my most often quoted scripture is, they would tell you the following:

“You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on another. For on whatever grounds you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. (Romans 2:1)

Whether it is in sports or in their personal relationships, my children have found this to be true. God allows us to fall in the areas we’re judging another to remind us that but for the grace of God, there goeth I.   Fr. Pagano helped me understand this better when he told me that he remembers every stage of his life so he has compassion on others who are in that time of their life. He doesn’t put the standard on teens to live at the level of virtue that those who are further in their journey abide by. He remembers his sins during that time, so he doesn’t judge them for theirs. He instead transforms people by his love.

Betty counseled me to learn to let people do their thing and to try to become conscious of when we’re judging them back. “Lord, do within us what we’re incapable of doing ourselves.” Ask the Lord to become the virtue that you lack. God readily answers this prayer.