The way my Aunt Betty and I work is to look at our own part in any situation. Either we look for ways we act similarly to the offenders, or we look at our reaction to them and bring that into right order. Below is a conversation we had.

AM: X and Y are really stuck. I can’t change them, but with God’s grace, I can change myself.

Betty: Okay. See, I think that’s where the key is. We let go of our stubborn place wherever we’re caught. Then, when we approach them, that leaves them freer not to be drawn into that stubborn place that we formally were into. We actually influence each other unconsciously, and get drug into places. It is going on unconsciously by what’s going on in the other person. We get hooked into each other in some crazy way. So, if we cooperate with grace, and allow the Savior to save us, then, when we walk up to that person, we no longer have that door open. So, they’re less likely to fall into the same trap. I didn’t realize that back when I was perfect. Because when you’re perfect, you don’t realize that you’re part of the problem. You can’t realize that you’re part of the problem if you’re perfect. So, I mean it’s a stupid little game that is played. But it’s played in a lot of families. So, it’s almost a kindly thing when you say that prayer, “Lord open the doors inside of me that you want open. And close the doors inside and outside of me that you want closed.” We’re really helping one another not get caught in each other’s stuff. 

AM: Yes, I need to continually look to see my part in it.

Betty: Ya. What part am I playing in attracting people into places that are not as Christian as we’re called to be? It’s two-fold. What I pick up in X and Y is heavy demands.There’s a crazy thing that just popped in my head. And that is the “loyalty to our own judgment.” This is a trick of Satan upon us and our prideful arrogance. It’s like, “I made this judgment, and I have to stick to it.” That’s part of consistency. It really is a stupid argument that’s satanic in origin. I call it loyalty to our own false judgments. When we find those places inside of us, we need to open the door. That takes humility to realize when we made a judgment on another person. Then, renounce that judgment, and give it to the Lord. Ask to be filled with truth. Because if we don’t, those dark judgments, that were not made in a good place, become resting places for Satan. We don’t need that anywhere in our personality. We don’t need loyalty there. There’s where we need to ask, “Lord, are there any places in me where I am closed to your truth? Those will be the places where we’re having this unconscious loyalty to Satan. It’s with judgments we made early on. 

Do you have any loyalty to your own judgment? Can you pray, “Lord, are there any places in me where I am closed to your truth?” Then renounce anything opposed to truth, and ask for God’s grace to stay in truth.