I’ve been working on the part of me that’s played the “good girl” my whole life. I’m learning what a lie that’s been and how it allowed other people to manipulate and control me. Lately, I’ve had a lot of anger come up due to someone who tries to control me. While it’s healthy for me to get my anger up, my Aunt Betty is working with me, so I don’t explode on X.
What you have to do now is you have to do your work. You have to work through any unconscious anger or rage. Because for you to do this without lasting damage, it’s got to be done from a clean place. Otherwise, you can cause more damage than you care to. Then people begin to feel like, “Oh, what’s she saying seems fair. But boy, the anger was 10 times more than I deserved.” I’ve heard people say that. I’m thinking, “Yeah, that’s because they probably didn’t get cleaned up before they talked to you.” People pick up when you give them more anger and rage then they deserve.
The first thing you need to do is to hold it up before the Lord, and ask Him to clean up all the ways that you are hooked into X. Repeat this prayer after me, “Lord Jesus, I look at my relationship with X and there are a lot of closed doors where I’ve shoved resentment, old angers, and rage from the past. I have not brought them into Your truth, but just stored them within, because I didn’t want to cause an explosion.”
In other words, when you don’t know what to do with something, “good girls” have a natural tendency to shove it down, rather than run the risk of causing an explosion. The only problem is, as it grows and grows, it gets to the point where one day, they finally explode. Then they do far more damage than had they let it out in the first place. So, what you need to do is stand in truth, and ask the Lord to give you the courage to open all the doors where you’ve been storing resentment, anger, and judgment. Look at anything that’s negative around your relationship with X. Ask the Lord to help you be honest, to look at your part, and not just want to shove it over Into X. How did you set the stage that you gave X the power to do in you what now is causing so much disturbance?
In other words, what I’m looking at is, “What was the reward?” You were the “good girl.” That was one of the rewards of not being honest. “You’re the “good girl”. You don’t cause problems.” That’s the payoff. That’s why we do it. What we have do is say, “That wasn’t really fair, because we were getting rewarded for being the “good girl,” but deep down, we were raging.” You’re living in a false pretense of goodness, like the Pharisees of old. They have eyes, but see not, ears but hear not. Because they didn’t want to have to face their anger and their rage. Go into tongues, because you’re going to have to work to get it up.