toddler with red adidas sweat shirt
Photo by mohamed Abdelgaffar on

 AM: One of my friends old me she is looking at her shadow. I sent her a write up on the shadow to help her see how her child may be acting out those unowned parts in her. She asked, “How do I look at my shadow? My shadow has projected onto my kid. He’s acting out the feelings that I have repressed from my upbringing.

Betty: You make friends with your shadow by getting to know it. Most often, we want to run away from our shadow, or project it into somebody else. So, we’re really forever rejecting our shadow. Aren’t we? 

AM: So, we make friends with our shadow, and then it calms down? 

Betty: Ya, it becomes part of you. If not, it creates problems. Because, in a sense, you’re rejecting it. It’s also true with teachers and their students in the classroom. A child you ignore begins to create a disturbance to help you know he’s not dead. He’s alive. 

AM: Very interesting and that’s why with parents who have kids who are creating a huge disturbance, they need to look at those places where they’re similar to their child. So, we keep moving into truth, and then we don’t have to have it act out as strongly hopefully. 

Betty: Well, when we feel accepted, that’s when we no longer feel the need to act out. 

AM: But you can’t give that to your children artificially as a parent if you really haven’t genuinely changed your heart. You can say nice things with your words, but you have to embrace that shadow in yourself for the children to feel accepted.

Betty: It takes you embracing your shadow for you to be able to accept the shadow in your kid. And oftentimes, kids act out that which parents won’t acknowledge they have.

AM: So, the best advice to give parents is to keep bringing things into truth. 

Betty: Exactly. The truth shall set you free. In so many ways, it’s mind boggling.

****For more explanation on the shadow, go to my blog and look up “Loving the Unloveable Parts of Ourselves.”

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