I continue to learn lessons on how to stay out of my controller and into trusting God when things are rough. Below in red is a conversation my Aunt Betty and I had. Her words are in red below:
Your Perfectionist and Controller really work together to keep you imprisoned in a sick kind of a way that’s disastrous for you. Let it go, and let God take over. Get it out of your Controller’s hands. Fire her. Literally!
What comes to mind is Our Lady’s reaction, “Be it done unto me, according to Your word.” She was more into surrender, into letting go and letting God. There’s something about you and that Controller. It’s not good for you. And yet, you are protective of her. “Jesus, please handle the Controller. Teach me. Bring out whatever is good in that part of me, but help me not to be protective of it or concerned about it.” Your Controller manipulates you big time. Hold that whole thing up. “Lord, it’s too much for me. I really need Divine intervention to get out from this.”
You need to open the door and not parachute out from the Divine will. Ask Jesus to teach you what you need to do not to come in and out. You want to be in control of this. Either you’re going to commit or you’re not going to commit. You have one foot in it and the other foot out. Commit. Whenever you lose your sense of peace, you are out of the Divine Will. It necessarily follows. You cannot have peace if you’re out of the Divine Will. You might have a temporary relief that you did not have to face something or other. But it’s not a lasting peace. So, you’re really paying a heavy price. It isn’t worth it.
God is in this thing. I think you have to do more praying, “Lord, teach me. Show me how to handle this.” You don’t go in for a lot of submission to God. You want to be in control.
There is a humility with, “Lord, teach me.” There is wisdom. I want you to get to know how your complainer manipulates and learn from this. Work at it. Ask the Lord to help you stay in His Divine Will and not parachute out. It’s like, “Okay Lord, I’m in. I’m committed. Teach me how to stay committed and not try to escape, so I can have more control. If you really allow God to work here, you will be so grateful. There’s such a deep seeded peace that you’re denying yourself of. You are really cheating yourself big time.