I love this story.  My Aunt Betty continually tells me that God doesn’t have “common sense.”  He has “Divine Sense.”  Sometimes it feels as though we aren’t getting anywhere when in fact God is doing His best work in us.  I’m reading over my journals from 20 years ago and reading about the darkness I was in spiritually.  It appeared I was going nowhere.  My spiritual father, Fr. Jerry, told me that each time we accept to bear our cross and be nailed to it, we are believing against all believing when it’s impossible to believe any longer because of our pain.  That’s when we defeat darkness…by the blood of the Lamb.  

He got the image of a rose wanting to come forth out of bondage.  He also got the image of a butterfly that needed to fight to get out of the hole.  That’s what makes it able to fly.  He said my inner child was being reborn and that huge wings were coming forth.  The Holy Spirit flew down to my toes and as He flew up me, His wings grew.  Another time, Betty heard Jesus saying, “This is only a test.  You are not one for failing a test.”  Say, “Jesus, you alone are my hope and my salvation.”  Do the best you can and expect miracles.  She said sometimes the Lord wants a sacrifice so as to bring about a greater good.  “In your weakness, He is strong.”

It brings tears to my eyes thinking back on those days of desolation, when I didn’t think God was doing anything in my life, and I saw my life as a failure.  Praise God for mentors who saw beyond the desolation into where God was calling me.  I have been blessed with many mentors in my life.  I have written most every conversation down that I have had with them, so I could refer back to their words when I was in desolation.  My goal in writing a book with my Aunt Betty is to inspire others who are in desolation and to show them the way I got through.  Here is an inspiring story for those who feel like they aren’t getting anywhere or those who feel that the journey is too hard. The author is unknown:

There once was a man who was asleep one night in his cabin when suddenly his room was filled with light and the Savior appeared to him. The Lord told him He had a work for him to do and showed him a large rock. He explained that he was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, and for many days he toiled from sunup to sundown; his shoulder set squarely against the cold massive surface of the rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling his whole day had been spent in vain.

Seeing that the man showed signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture – placing thoughts in the man’s mind, such as “Why kill yourself over this? You’re never going to move it!” or “Boy, you’ve been at it a long time and you haven’t even scratched the surface!” etc. giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and the man was an unworthy servant because he wasn’t moving the massive stone.

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man, and he started to ease up in his efforts. “Why kill myself?” he thought. “I’ll just put in my time putting forth just the minimum of effort and that will be good enough.” And this he did or at least planned on doing until, one day, he decided to take his troubles to the Lord.

“Lord,” he said, “I have labored hard and long in Your service, putting forth all my strength to do that which You have asked of me. Yet after all this time, I have not even budged that rock even half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”

To this the Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, when long ago I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you to push against the rock with all your strength, and that you have done. But never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it, at least not by yourself. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed, ready to quit. But is this really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled; your back sinewed and brown. Your hands are calloused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition, you have grown much and your ability now far surpasses that which you used to have. Yet still, you haven’t succeeded in moving the rock; and you come to Me now with a heavy heart and your strength spent. I, my friend, will move the rock. Your calling was to be obedient and push, and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom, and this you have done.”