This is from a spiritual direction session last year. I was angry and judgmental towards people who were being very critical of me. My Aunt Betty’s words are in red below.
There’s a part of you that wants to hang on to your anger and judgment towards them. This is your inner child’s protection, and she likes it. The Lord Jesus needs to be her protection. I don’t know. You really need some evangelization with that kid. You have not done a good job of evangelizing your inner kid. Honest, I found mine was a pagan. I had to work with her to try to make her Christian. I don’t think you’ve worked hard enough on your pagan. You need to teach her Christian principles. It’ll help you. That part does work on our decisions inside ourselves, when we’re being careless and not paying attention. “So, Lord we are asking that that kid really turn Christian. It’ll make it so much easier for AM to live her life. Help her to stop believing the lies.”
I’m hearing that that part doesn’t feel it’s right that she has to do all the repenting, when those who harmed her aren’t repenting. But see, she doesn’t understand. She played a part in it. She’s got to take some repentance for her part in it. Can you go downstairs with Jesus and help her see her part in it. She’s saying, “I’m the victim.” That’s where she’s caught. You have to tell her it’s time to let go of playing the victim. That’s the excuse she’s giving for hanging onto this. It’s highly ineffective. All kids have to learn to stand up for themselves and not stand around and cry, because the bullies will take advantage of them. So, it’s the same thing with her. Come on. Get out of victim role and move on with life.
“Lord, we’re praying for the breaking of bad habits. Cause the doors to get open to some of this nonsense. We pray for the bad habits in the generations. Help our generations that have the same lie as AM’s little kid to let go of some of those lies inside. We are not justified taking on the ways of the enemy ever. Help that lie to get out of us.” As the church teaches, “The end does not justify the means. Help get that truth into our hearts.” So, even though others treat you rough, the Lord’s saying we aren’t justified to do it back. If they want to treat you with meanness, that’s their decision. But you’re not allowed to be mean back. “Lord, give us a forgiving heart.”
Is there a pagan in you that is following the ways of resentment? Take time to see what that part is saying, and ask the Lord to evangelize your inner pagan.