Below is a conversation I had with my Aunt Betty years ago. We have spent 40 years praying to heal my perfectionist, but I still struggle with it. It’s all about “dying to the old man” as Jesus said. I’ve summarized Betty’s words to me in the hopes that they will help others.
Perfectionists can have parts of them that try to help them be a better person that can be mean and demanding. We need to turn to Jesus and hold up those parts. “Lord Jesus, help whoever this part of me is to become less controlling and to be gentler with me. Help me to let go of my anger and frustration because I never seem able to please it. I’m getting tired of being criticized, put down, and devalued by that part. I’m very angry at this part of me because it doesn’t seem to focus on what’s good in me, but keeps pointing out the bad or weak. I will to live for your glory and give up the satisfaction of beating up on myself.”
The sadistic part enjoys beating up on us. When we make a mistake, there is a sadistic, dark part that enjoys beating up on ourselves. “Lord, I want to break this habit. I don’t want the kids to carry it on. I don’t want to honor the evil one in any way.”
Being discouraged accomplishes nothing. It’s a road to failure so don’t take it. When we are tempted to go down that path, image a big gate coming down and say, “No, we aren’t going to do that.” Image yourself coming out of that route. Discouragement gives the enemy glory and dishonors the Lord. There is no future in it.
Some people who are judgmental are fuddy duddys because they judge things right away. We never get anywhere if we are quick to judge. Instead, turn to the Lord for help. “Lord, help me be more patient and not so fast to judge. Help me turn to You and not to condemnation. “ Some things that we call depression may be a result of being so quick to judge and condemn when we are not familiar with something. We get impatient with ourselves. We could cause our depression by not being more accepting. We need a more laid back approach. “Help me not be so harsh and demanding and help me accept myself.”
Satan was furious when God made His plan. He couldn’t accept that God became man since we are weak creatures. He thinks we are so inferior. When God’s divine plan was shown, he was furious and it’s why he rebelled. He despised the humanity of Jesus. Humans aren’t good enough. A part of us has an attitude similar to Satan. We won’t accept our imperfect side. To be human is to learn by trial and error. If we refuse to accept the way God made us as humans, we are inviting a lot of trouble on ourselves. We need to confess our rebellion to being human and imperfect. When we deal with the ugly side, the free side can come out. Part of the divine plan was for us to turn to Him. He didn’t want us to be perfect. If we accept Satan’s lie that we should condemn ourselves for our imperfections, then grace can’t operate.
Our impatience and judgments can be grounded in our rebellion to being human. We want to be a people who can learn to laugh when we make mistakes and then try again. “Lord Jesus, I trust in You.”
Ask Jesus to heal whatever is in our generations that opens us to that kind of behavior. Heal that part of us is where the feelings of being a loser reside. Ask the Lord to heal us from putting those kinds of judgments on ourselves. Help us to see ourselves from your eyes and not put ourselves in a position of trying to bring about the very thing we are judging ourselves for. People try to bring things about unconsciously. They try to prove the judgment is correct rather than break that negative part. People feel justified. That part is psychologically abusive. It can begin to change if we pray that we are aware of what that part is saying deep down inside and then come against it. Pray for its healing. It’s a gift of the Lord when He helps us be aware of what we’re doing.
Pray to be relieved of that inner criticizing of ourselves—the negativity and put-downs. Pray for a miracle to be set free. You can only hide the inner perfectionist for so long. It keeps getting stronger and stronger and then tries to take over. Every time we pray for the perfectionist, we bring it to consciousness where it’ll be less strong in our unconscious and in its ability to take over our life. Some of it is generational that our ancestors shoved down. That’s all part of our unconscious. It influences us even though we’re not aware of where it’s coming from. It becomes stronger the more you repress it.
The more you expose it to truth and ask the Lord to set it free, then it loses its power to come out and act out. It’s unconscious. We’re not aware we’re doing it, but people recognize it. The people who haven’t repressed their shadow are ones we feel are sincere, have integrity and are open. People feel safer around them because they don’t feel they’re hiding something that’ll come out at them. We don’t trust people who are hiding stuff. They don’t always know they’ve repressed their stuff, but we feel it.
When we don’t have access to that which is in our shadow then it can embarrass us. Therefore, we need to conscious it and then it’s more under control and we don’t have to act it out.
We can be patterned to push down the imperfect parts of ourselves. If we follow the Holy Spirit, we have to face the positive and negative parts of ourselves.
The greater our trust in God is, the more we want all our being brought to the light. After Adam and Eve sinned, they hid from God ashamed of what they’d become. Their hiding made it worse. They needed to bring it to the light to get healed. The enemy, knowing God would help us, encourages us to hide.
“O Jesus, I surrender myself to You. Take care of everything!”