I have been dealing with something very heavy the past few weeks. Betty told me to lift the situation up to the Lord. “Lord, where do we go from here? Show me the next step.” Here’s what she shared with me:
What’s missing is that you’re not going to the Lord with it. You should be saying, “Lord, here’s where we are. I don’t understand. I believe you can work through all of this. Help me to trust You enough to hand it over to You. You might have something better in mind. I trust You.”
If it is for our good, the Lord will bring healing to this. You are going into the future trying to control it. Get back into the present moment and hand the whole thing over. You don’t know God’s plan. Trust God that what’s for the good will happen. “Lord, if this is a relationship is something You want to continue, then bring about the healing of what’s taken place here.“ It’s really important that you hand it over to the Lord. If it’s from Him, God will show you how it is to be.
God manifests His will by things like this. That’s the way God speaks to us. Your first tendency was to beat yourself up. Can you say, “Lord Jesus, please help me learn a lesson here. I made the mistake of not turning to you lifting the whole thing up.” By turning to the Lord, I mean turn and listen. You were so busy beating yourself up, which is a tendency you have, that you didn’t turn it over to Him. It’s part of your perfectionism. Isn’t that what your perfectionist demands that you do? Go beat yourself up when you make a mistake? That’s what you need to repent of. Try to remember that the next time you catch yourself doing this.
I don’t think what you did was a mistake. God is moving through all of the things like this. We do the best we can and then God actually uses our weaknesses at times to get His work done. But you were too busy demanding that you get beat up. It’s a sick part working on you. When you get into that frame, you’re not free to turn to the Lord and say, “Ok, Lord, I hand this whole thing over to you. I need you to show me what You’re about here.“
When you reach that point, I’ll know you’ve received a lot of healing. When we reach the point of talking to the Lord about something, that’s when the Lord can kick in and do His best work in helping us in whatever we’re going through.
The part that wants to beat you up is the “Know it All” part and it’s not your closest friend. Any kind of direction you get from that part will not be solid wisdom because that part is caught more in the lie that you have to be perfect. It’s not coming from seeking the glory of God. It’s not coming from the obedient heart.
It’s coming from the resentful, angry part where you weren’t perfect and it is really mad. Don’t go there for wisdom. Rather choose to go to the part that’s trying to be humble, obedient and listening to God and then you’ll get wisdom.
The fact that you prayed, journaled, and exercised have helped make this better for you. Avoid the tendency of exaggerating and making this situation the end of the world. That’s where that part goes. It’s not the end of the world. God can work with this. You turn it into an exaggerated story. Do you see how you can make yourself suffer something that’s not even happened? I wish you would learn to stay in the present moment and live it. Stay in the present where God is. There’s a crazy thing that goes on. It’s almost like you’ve convinced yourself that you won’t have to suffer as much if you beat God to the draw and get out there and figure out what’s happening. Stay in the present moment and stop beating yourself up. There’s a little bit of the melodrama in that particular part of you, rushing ahead to the drama. “Wait a minute. It’s not the end of the world; come back here.” Can you say, “Lord, help me when I run from things in times like this to gain the wisdom to stay in the present moment and not run ahead of you making things worse.” You can go into the future making up a disaster. Why do you do that to yourself? I guess you want to suffer more. When you make up your own suffering, that means you’re not suffering enough.
That sounds like your perfectionistic thinking. It’s not coming from a healthy place. That’s something you need to pray and ask the Lord, “Teach me how to discern where the voices inside me are coming from. Help me to recognize the anointing that comes from the voices aligned with you. Help me to recognize the difference when the voice is trying to lead me out of Your will. Teach me the difference and help me not to be so arrogant that I think I know the difference.“ There’s the part of you that’s naïve. I look at it at times and say, Whoa. You listen to the wrong voice. I can smell a rat much quicker than I used to. And I can smell when the perfectionist is talking or the arrogant part or whatever is talking. You have to pray for grace to recognize what kind of promptings you are getting.
May we be given this great grace of discerning where our inner voices are coming from so that we could follow God’s will and not listen to those parts that are out of His will. For this and other writings from the wisdom I’ve learned from my aunt, go to my blog at https://greaterfreedom234356014.wordpress.com