Betty: When our feelings are attacking us with all of Satan’s wishes, I say. “You stink.” My feelings stink sometimes, so I’m not going to act on them.
AM: So, you’re saying when I want to throw that part away…
Betty: Your gifts and your talents…just because your feelings are acting up. It’s like, “Oh, it’s just feelings.” That’s what I do to myself. It’s just feelings, so I ignore it. It’ll change according to mood. And that’s the way feelings are.
AM: If you had depression, what would you do?
Betty: I watched Fr. Jim who suffered the cross of depression. It’s hard. He hung in there. And he made the difference.
AM: That’s a rough life.
Betty: But that was his way of showing his love for God. And you’ve got a chance to really show your deep love for God. When you love someone, you don’t give up. I keep thinking of the Christian definition of love. It’s not a feeling. It’s to will for other’s good regardless of what’s happening. It’s the same thing with your feelings.
AM: It definitely is a challenge.
Betty: Okay, so that’s who you are. What are you going to do about it?
AM: I haven’t been very successful with journaling and then giving it to God. There’s a step I’m missing.
Betty: Bull.
AM: Then, how come it isn’t working?
Betty: All these people on your blog will tell you the difference your blogs have been making in their lives. But you’re calling them liars, because you choose to believe your feelings over what they’re telling you. See, there is in you a deep lie that feelings are king. No, they’re not. When are you going to spit the lie out? You put too much value in feelings. It’s not worth it. Don’t throw your life away, because you feel whatever. It’s like, “Oh, it’s just a feeling. Ignore it.” And then go make a difference.
AM: I‘ve been doing better. I was trying to get myself out of that place. And then X came over and wanted to talk.
Betty: But that was an interruption of grace. Because while X needed to talk, you also needed to have an occasion to get out. I guess you were sitting on Satan’s lap being fed his lies. Don’t drink from his breast. It’s not safe. Let him keep his junk.
AM: At that point, I wasn’t down. I had to shift gears.
Betty: You have to choose to get out of that depression and not let yourself just sink into it. Do you notice that when you’re depressed, it’s easy for you to jump on the other guy? I would really be concerned that Y not follow the example of his mom and lean on his feelings above what his will is telling him he needs to do. Because you don’t want him to follow that. That is not helpful to you.
Greater Freedom 
Good morning on this 1st Sunday of Lent! My hurdle is being Judgmental. I cannot listen to a Mass without judging the lectors and Priests and deacons in their proclaiming the Word of God. A few years ago I took a year long break from lecturing to pray about this. I resumed lecturing and the judgmental took hold again. Last Saturday, I asked Fr D if I could be considered to narrate the Passion on Palm Sunday, he said the Deacons and Priest will reading. I had been praying in the chapel before I approached him and I still got so angry with his answer. I knew the Mass would be my last time I would lector. I went home and started to feel peace with my decision. I purged my closet of clothes I wore only to lector. I emailed Bonnie and told her to take me off the weekday and lector schedules..more peace came. My Magnificat magazine did not come in the mail…even after I sent an email. I used the Magnificat to follow the readings of the Mass which encouraged my judgementalism and critiquing the lectors’ words. I am not able to critique the readings… more peace. I had been looking for another Parish that has an earlier Mass. I struggle with music being sung at Masses as I sit in the front and become part of the Mass..then a loud song starts up.. I found St Didicus last evening. Such a quaint church. When the woman behind me told me the 4pm pm Mass I was attending did not have ANY MUSIC, I knew I was home! More peace! I use the verse’ when part of your body causes you to sin..pluck it out’ This is what I did. Lecturing is my gift, but it was causing me to sin. I have a lot less angst in my life and feel a lot more peace. I know you are discreet and will not share. I read your Blogs..don’t stop writing! God Bless Mary
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I’m glad you found a church where you have peace. I also find myself struggling when the Word of God isn’t pronounced properly. It’s such an important part of the mass, but definitely not worth losing peace over. Glad you found a way to overcome it.
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Thank you Annemarie and Sister Betty, extremely helpful. A good reminder that feelings are not the truth , they are only feelings. When I am in a place saturated with feelings I go to the “Joe Friday” mindset of just the facts, it is helpful to detach from the feelings.
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