AM: I feel like I annoy X with that. 

Betty: I don’t want you to be other than where you are. You’re fine. I hope other people don’t hear me saying, “You always have to be such and such.” That’s not who I am. But those who tend to be absolutists are Perfectionists. I don’t care what I do, that’s the way they’ll hear it. But I did that, too. I’d see my mistakes, and I had to wait and learn. I guess others will, too. But I’d like you to enjoy the peace that I’m enjoying. “It would be nice, Lord.” What I heard was, “When she’s ready, she will.” That’s an interesting answer. Peace will be yours when you’re ready to allow yourself to be at peace. I’m much easier to live with, since I don’t put so much pressure on myself. The more laid back you get, the easier you are. There is a phrase that comes to me a lot these days. “What is is. What ain’t aint.” You just rest there. 

AM: It is harder for me not to be intense.

Betty: It’ll come. Do a little ejaculation like, “Lord, help me to love myself right where I am.” That’s a way of coming against that inner pressure. 

AM: My gut says “blah.” 

Betty: That part that says “blah” probably wants to get in there and push. 

AM: I know. That’s what X says, “Stop making yourself a project.” 

Betty: Well, I hate to say that I agree with him, but in that category, we do agree. 

AM: In him pointing out my weaknesses, he’s done a pretty good job. 

Betty: Well now the next step, since he pointed them all out, is, “Lord help me to accept myself where I am.” 

AM: It’s hard when you get so many faults pointed out.

Betty: That’s all a novice director was asked to do in religious life was just pick, pick, pick, pick. She was constantly criticizing us. 

AM: But was it good? 

Betty: Very painful and not always discreet. But the Lord shows you how to work through it. I think the reason God permitted some of that extra strict stuff, was because it was classical spirituality of the saints’ penance and all that. But it was unloving I thought.

But anyhow, through it, the Lord was teaching us to give up our own will and realize our obstinacy gets us in trouble. But that was a case of blemished human nature to forget. We take ourselves too seriously. God doesn’t need us perfect. We’re the ones that need ourselves perfect.