Betty: Truth leads to freedom. So, if the Lord gets you into truth, then he can get you into freedom. But you have to be willing to leave where you are, and go into the unknown with the Lord. 

AM: “So, Lord, I pray that you help me to be willing to let go into the unknown…”

Betty: You’ll discover yourself there. It’s not like He is going to abandon you to the unknown. But He’s gonna lead you there to discover who you can be and help you get out of these lies that you’ve taken into yourself. It’s not who you are. You’re much more than this. Tonight at mass we’re gonna renew our baptismal vows. And in a sense, you need to renew a kind of inner vow that you took that justified a lack of freedom in this area that He’s calling you to get free of. Can you say, “In Jesus name, I renounce the lie that the stuck place I’m in is who I am. Wherever this lie entered into me, I no longer choose it, want it, or wish it to remain. So, in Jesus’ name. I bind and rebuke that lie and hand it over to Jesus. Jesus, you show me who I truly am and what more you want of me, and help me to stand strong in the knowledge that nothing that is good is impossible.” 

I can hear someone in the distance singing, “I have decided to follow Jesus.” Think of the words of that song. Don’t put so much power in who people told you you are. But let Jesus teach you who He’s calling you to be. “Lord, in your mercy, help us get free of all the areas where we are stuck. Reveal to us those lies. We need to rise from the dead and be risen with you, leaving those lies behind like your swaddling clothes.” Do not let other people tell you who you are. Really come against that. Because there are too many controllers, especially in today’s society, who will gladly tell you who you are so that they can use you. “Lord, help me find my path. Thank you for the greater peace that I’m feeling. Lord, I want you to direct my life and really let me live in your Divine Will.” 

If I were you, I would rather invite Jesus and Mary to show me who I am, and really pray to clean out these areas where you’re convicted of who you are. You need to get free. So, as you renew the Baptismal vows in the Easter ceremony, think of any hidden vows, even hidden from you that you might have made in the course of being around strong people who were too willing to tell you who you were and what you could do.

My gosh! I’m thinking if I had allowed people to do that to me, I wouldn’t have done half of the things I got done in life. We’re happiest when we go with the person God created us to be. I feel you’re now at the stage where you really need to journal. Write out whatever comes up out of your unconscious, so you can get it past your censor who won’t let you listen to your heart. Now, think through what I just said. You have a heavy censor. I think that’s Your Perfectionist.  And the object will be to get into that place where you just let Jesus be present with you, and write what’s in your heart, so that your heart can pray and be heard by your adult without the censor shutting it up. It’s like the strength of X and Y coming upon you early on kind of trained you into repressing and shutting up. And I think it’s through journaling that this part will open up. Part of your trouble sleeping could be that part of you that really needs to get out of that repressed place. She’s been locked up long enough. 

AM: Yeah. I feel like I’m not able to just settle down. 

Betty: Well, nothing you do is ever good enough for you. 

AM: No 

Betty: That’s what I was afraid of. If it’s good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for you, because He’s God. But for you, it’s not. You want something more. 

If you struggle with something similar, I invite you to write out whatever comes up out of your unconscious, so you can get it past your censor who won’t let you listen to your heart. Let Jesus be present with you, and write what’s in your heart, so that your heart can pray and be heard by your adult without the censor shutting it up.