AM: I’m in that place where I need to stand up, but I’m not doing it right. For instance, I confronted X, and he got super defensive about it…

Betty: How can prayer help you here?

AM: I need to take the passive aggressiveness out. There’s an element of that that gets in my communication.

Betty: Okay. So, we should work from that angle. Ask the Lord to reveal to you the origin of your passive aggressiveness.

AM: I think Y role modeled that. You were saying it’s a good girls’ issue. 

Betty: You’re playing the game “I’m not angry,” when you really are. Okay, so why don’t you put it in prayer.

AM: “Lord, I give you this…”

Betty: No, I want you to describe to the Lord. But you’re going to have to go in prayer and really hear what’s going on. Then, when you get a good hold on it, describe to the Lord what’s going on and what you want to do about it. Ask him for his help. Because the first thing is you have to come out of denial. And what is your denial? Describe that. Because you’re going to have to go into prayer to get a grasp on what is behind your denial. What are you afraid of? It’s that type of thing.

AM: Sometimes people don’t receive correction from me. When I challenge them, they get angry. They don’t receive it like they would from somebody else. In the past, I got walked all over, and then I ate over it. Now, I speak up, but my manner can be off. I act when I’m in my emotions. So, the fear is that I’m going to tick people off like I just did with X.

Betty: Put this in a prayer.

AM: What comes up is the word “selfish.” It’s like when I used to stand up to Z, she’d say I was selfish if I didn’t do what she wanted me to do.

Betty: Yeah, so people use name calling as their weapon for defense. Why do you give them the power to let them get name calling over into you?

AM: Well, there’s an open door feeling like I’m selfish. I’m not clear on the fact that it’s okay to set that boundary.

Betty: Wait a minute. Do you absolutely, outside of Jesus and Mary, know anyone to be unselfish that way?

AM: No.

Betty: As human, we’re born with a need to protect ourselves. And that is being selfish, but in a way that’s healthy. So, selfishness is not a bad word. It’s a necessary trait in being human. But when we’re Christian, we need to learn to lay down our life. We’re working on that. But basically, we’re all kind of selfish. So, it’s okay to be selfish in a healthy way. It’s when it’s unhealthy when you’re so locked in yourself that it’s no good.

So, you need to let your adult go downstairs and talk with the child. Help her let go of the deceit that she’s not allowed to stand up for what she needs and that she just has to do what everybody tells her. Jesus didn’t make us that way.