AM: If I see that someone has an issue, but I don’t hook with him or her, how is that different than when you’re hooked with someone?

Betty: You don’t overreact to them. One of the signs that I use that a person is hooked is if they tend to overreact. If you’re not hooked with the person, you might see something they’re doing that’s pretty obvious, but you don’t overreact to it.

AM: And then, it’s easier to pray for them, because you have compassion for them.

Betty: You’re not playing God. 

AM: And they feel it. 

Betty: Yeah. And I think God can hear our prayers more when we’re not in a false god role. Because he said he has trouble with false gods. We cannot adore them.

AM: Yeah, and that’s where I could do better for X by not judging her…

Betty: You could say, ”Lord, this is your problem. I feel helpless. I just have to hand it over to you.” That’s the humble admission of your need of God.

AM: I need to keep working on the ways that I run like X runs…

Betty: We are all called, as God gives us the freedom, to recognize the places where we’re playing God. That is grace when we recognize it. But then, with that grace, comes the responsibility to own it, and let it go. 

AM: I acknowledged that I had the same problem as Y. I owned the hook I had with her, but I didn’t let it go… 

Betty: Well, you might have identified it, but not owned it.

AM: I brought Jesus into it. I journaled about it.

Betty: But, then you came on angry and focused into Y. In other words, you put that part in Y. You didn’t own it. You identified.

AM: I see. Because if I owned it, I would have had compassion for her? 

Betty: You would have been suspicious about your overreaction.

AM: I knew I had a part in it. I just thought, “Oh, I don’t really enjoy being with her when she acts like this.”

Betty: Yeah, so you got lost in her imperfection. And then got angry about it and wanted to pray about your relationship with her. And that’s what we’re doing. You want to get back to the old Negro spiritual in which you come humbly before the Lord asking the Lord to work on you. The lyrics to that song are, “It’s me. It’s me. It’s me, Oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer…”And yes, it is helpful, to see in our overreaction to others where we’re not standing in honesty. But if we stand in honesty, the faults of our brothers and sisters can help us continue to come into truth.