Betty: Ask the Lord to make the big difference. That to me is going to be your salvation, namely to really finally have that faith to trust him regardless. That’s where that “Surrender Novena” song  could be a help to you. 

AM: I listened to it over and over, but that little tormentor just won’t let me rest. 

Betty: No, that part can be very stubborn. That’s why for you to really learn that “Oh Jesus, I surrender myself to you” song could be a big help. Keep singing it over and over almost wanting to brainwash yourself into the only way you’re gonna get peace. Otherwise, it seems like there is a part of you that starts to make demands saying, “You didn’t do this, because this, that, or the other thing.” It’s just torturous. And when it starts, sing, “Oh Jesus, I surrender myself to you…” Just do the opposite. In the early church, they used that kind of mantra prayer a lot, and I could see where that could be very helpful to you. 

AM: When I get into a bad place, it just seems like it doesn’t work as well.  

Betty: Well, yeah. It’s harder to actually get into surrender. That is true, but it beats the alternative to laying there and beating yourself up. But again, even there, that is the Perfectionist speaking. Because to do it imperfectly irritates her. It’s like, “I can’t do it right.” No, you just do the best you can, girl. Because it beats the alternative. And literally for you to say to yourself, “I am not gonna be able to do this perfectly, but that’s where my intent is. I just want myself to get out of this demanding side.” So, the more you say, “Oh Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything” the better. Because basically, that’s where you’re gonna have to go. So, it’s the crying out of the desire of your heart for that freedom to really center in on God. It’s not just to do it out of routine, but more to mean that prayer. That will be an improvement. I don’t see any other way out of this. Image yourself in Jesus’ arms sleeping. Look for little techniques that help you to relax more. And if the old demands start up again, you go back to the chant rather than listening to your demands. Instead of getting angry and blah, blah, blah, blah, it’s like, “Oh, come on. Enough of that.” Keep answering that like an ejaculation. It’s gonna require work. But you’ve got yourself into a bad habit of demanding and beating yourself up, and it’s just not working for you. I know I’d get bored out of my wits if I had to listen to all that junk. 

AM: I can’t deal with the prison anymore. Honestly, it’s just it’s wearing me down.

Betty: It’s a form of putting yourself in prison. 

If you find yourself ruminating on something that’s taking your peace away, sing the song “Oh Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything.” You can find it on You Tube. Keep singing it over and over almost wanting to brainwash yourself into the way you’re gonna get peace.