AM: I don’t want negative relationships with these people who are acting badly…

Betty: See, the whole thing is you haven’t fully chosen. You’re still angry as an end result. You have to look at the situation and make a choice. Am I gonna choose? I very well see what they’re doing. This is no surprise for me. Now, am I going to choose to do this, because it’s better to be at peace then to have a lot of anger, rage, and resentment?” You don’t know how far it’ll escalate. I don’t want to go there. You think through those things, but they’re not giving you a choice. They’re actually forcing you to be in that place, so you have anger and rage. It’s not something you chose. It’s what they have chosen for you. They want to claim ownership of the place and expect you to allow them to take over. You have a bunch of conniving, immature people who think only about themselves. That’s a reality da, da, da, da. 

Truly choose to let go of this whole thing for the sake of peace keeping in mind that you’re aware they’re walking all over you and treating you and your family with disrespect. See, it’s not that you’re naive. But you have weighed in. And is it worth the aggravation? That’s something you have to decide. Then, if it’s not, then for the sake of peace, just let it go. But you have to choose it. And I don’t think you’ve chosen it. I feel like when you really choose it, to the point that you have let go of the anger and resentment about it, then the Lord, in His Mercy, is gonna let something happen where He will be on your side and allow the breakthrough to happen. God has his multiple ways of bringing about change. You don’t tell God how to do it. But you do take responsibility so that your feelings are in a Christian mode. That’s where your responsibility is. Don’t let them control you to the point that you walk around loaded with resentment. That would say to me that you haven’t really worked it through. You haven’t chosen it, and you’re being harmed by living with resentment, because that physically harms you. 

AM: Maybe it’s this part of me that hasn’t stood up to Y and Z and has been walked all over. These people know they can do it, because they don’t respect us, especially me.

Betty: Yeah. We send a message, “You can dump all over me.” We nonverbally send the message, “Who will take being dumped on and who I would never dump on, because you never know how they’re going to react?” They’ll even say things like that. “Oh. I’d never dump on him, because, I don’t know how he’s gonna react.” And I’m thinking, “Yeah, but you’re giving yourself permission to dump on the other guy.” 

AM: Or they don’t jump on you, because they respect you. 

Betty: No. They send the message. I’m not going to let you dump on me. Where some of us send the message, “Oh you want dump? Here I am. I’m the old garbage. I’m always ready to take whatever garbage you want to throw. Here I am.” I’ve had people say, “I just walk into a store and it’s like, I have written all over me. ‘Walk in front of me. Push me out of the line. I’m an easy take.’” And people would do that to her. So, we send nonverbal messages with our body posture and everything. But the thing I’m learning about the spiritual life is that the only thing that honors Jesus is positions that we have chosen out of love or to keep the peace. Those are deliberate positions that we’ve chosen for the good of others. Those are the positions of holiness, not, “Walk all over me, because I’m afraid to make waves.” That’s not a holy position. 

AM: And people get confused with that. The problem is because it’s not a place of holiness. The resentment’s there, and they get to be very resentful people. 

Betty: Yeah, and if you noticed they mock Christians for that kind of thing. If the Christian hasn’t chosen it out of holiness, they just get walked all over. It’s not transformative like a saint who does it that really changes him or her. Because you can feel it’s chosen out of love, and it’s out of truth. Anything that’s not in truth is all straw in Eternity. It’s about looking at your heart. So, that’s a good distinction. 

AM: So, I’m keeping the peace with them, but I’m still angry. So, that’s not choosing it in the right way. That’s not going to convict anybody. 

Betty: Yes, because you’re really not at peace in your choosing it. The anger is felt all over the place.